I have the cutest baby EVER!

Tonight we fed Caden a lovely dinner of Carrots and egg yolk with a little oatmeal cereal and blueberries for dessert. He LOVED it and swallowed every bite. This kid LOVES blueberries. Swear he thinks they're the most amazing thing ever. He also LOVES squash too, go figure. He wont eat the carrot puree I made him, but when I cut up cooked baby carrots into small bite sized pieces he CHOWED on them. Anything he can chew he seems to like. So stubborn. ;)

Anyway, egg yolk is very very messy and crumbly. We stripped him down and put him in the bathtub and I sat him up with floating toys for the first time. He LOVED every minute in the tub. This kid is going to be a fish he just loves to be in the water. He would hunch over and bat at the water with his hand, and then flip on his belly and scooch all over the tub, and then flip to his back and kick, and he was in there for a good 40 minutes before he started to rub his eyes and look tired.

I hope he will sleep tonight.

I emailed DamnPrecious again and told her that I would be going out of town for two weeks after the semester is over so if she wanted to get together we should try to squeeze something in before hand. I tempted her with ice cream. ;) My teacher told me that DamnPrecious told her to tell me that she'd just been really really busy recently but wanted to get together soon. Hopefully this time she will respond.

And then I find out I have a 5 page paper to add onto my already overloaded amount of work. I'm putting in close to 20 hours worth of work on the Dance Concert poster and program cover and tickets and not getting anything out of it and then being surprised with this paper? I'm not a happy Mommi tonight. Hopefully I can get it all done, but the good news is I've found some good A&P websites with interactive quizzes and models to help me study for the lab practical on Monday. Eeeeek! Monday? last day of lab? AHHHHHH!!!! The semester is almost over!

<3 Me

Time Flys...

I was thinking about how busy I'm getting these next couple weeks with finals and all. It's been awhile since I've had so many papers and projects and tests to work on and prepare for. It's a little overwhelming, but I'm sure soon it will pass quickly enough.

Took Trish up on her advice, thanks girl.

And now I will slink off to bed. Just so stinkin' tired! *yawn*

Got a minute? Lets talk...

School is winding down and I'm busier than ever. So many projects and papers to do, so many tests to study for. I'm trying so hard to stay on top of things and not slip behind, but it's hard. I feel my energy reserves slipping away. I feel my strength slowly fading. I get so tired so early and just want to sleep.

Cade is starting to do better at sleeping, and I'm SO excited. I knew when he was ready, and with constant encouragement, he would slip into his own natural sleeping patterns. I am putting a hold on co-sleeping though. It was wonderful for awhile, but right now it's more important for me to encourage Cade to sleep at night in his crib. He's been making a wonderful transition, and I know this is the right choice. Maybe later on when he's older we can have snuggle nights or something, but for now it's time to teach him how to sleep on his own.

So my Coward has spread to other blogs of people I talk to from IV. I only wish I had that much time on my hands that I could read the blogs of people I don't enjoy talking to and leave ignorant comments. I only wish I felt that confident and superior in my parenting and my choices in life that I felt the need to spew venom on people who don't agree with me.

Anonymous said...
am I a coward or am I someone who you think you know? are you just mad because we speak the truth?

Let me just say, if you knew me, you'd know how untruthful your words and comments are. And if you knew me, you'd know that I WELCOME everyone's thoughts and opinions. Look at Susan and I. Five years now, right? Five years being friends, confidantes, and coworkers who know nearly everything about each other and never hesitate to tell it like it is. You should see some of the emails she's sent me trying to give me a good thumpin' on the head for stupid mistakes I've made. And I LOVE her for it. I cherish her honesty and know that if she didnt really care about me, and wasn't really a friend, she would never take the time to tell me how she really felt. (Sorry Sus, hope you dont mind)

So I've decided what I'm going to do with my life. It's a frightening feeling, but so liberating at the same time. It feels so good to have a plan in place and know what you're fighting for. Right now I'm at TCC and in exactly 1 yr, I can have all the credits needed to transfer to TCU to enroll in their BSN program. That will be a 2 year program. So if all goes well, in 3 years I could be graduated with a BSN making 60 - 70k a year.

But I'm not done. LOL! After a year or two working in critical care, I could then apply for a masters program and get my CRNA. It's a 2 year program, and would bump my salary up to 160k a year. So in 7 years I could be in a position where I'd always have a job, making enough money to support Cade and I, and being able to give him all the opportunities in life. I wont have to work 70 hour weeks, I'll have time to be with him, time to parent him, etc. It feels good to have a goal, to have an achievable dream.

Like someone told me, take advantage of every opportunity. So I'm going to try too. Now if I could just get this freaking paper finished instead of drawing a blank all the time I'd feel better.

<3 Me

coward...

I leave this blog open for everyone to comment, mainly because of the friends and people I know who dont have a blogger account who still want to be able to comment or leave me a message, etc. But what gets me is when someone wants to hide behind this ability to leave a nameless comment and voice a nasty opinion.

I read my comments. I pay attention to what is said and think about other opinions and perspectives, but if you're too much of a coward to let me know who you are, I don't give a second thought to what you wrote. Own up to your opinion and if you have something you want to say, say it to my face, don't hide.

I registered for summer classes. I'm not going to take the 2 week mini-mester, instead I'll go to MI to let everyone see Cade, maybe get a night out with Emily and Corrine, and enjoy the ability to have NOTHING to do for a few days. Once school starts I'll be taking English II and Great Religions of the World the first part, and the second session I'm signed up for A&PI. ARGH! It's a 7 AM classs. I'm gonna die. But I know if there's a time when I'll be able to do a 7 AM class it'll be when I'm living with my parents and HAVE to be up because of baby anyway. Plus all my classes will be over by 11:30 so I'll have all day left to play with baby and enjoy the summer weather. ;)

I've been dreaming about him. I don't like it, and it always angers me when I wake up and realize he managed to find his way into my dreams again. I just want him cut out of my life, never to be thought of again.

And it'd be nice if the friend I've been trying to make would respond to my emails so we could set up a playdate...

Back to school work -

~ Me

School...

Today was a school day. I've learned this week I *could* get an A in history and Growth&Development. I *might* be able to get an A in Dance, likely a high B in Biology, and I'll be happy with a C in Lit. (LOL!) The A's are all low A's, but still A's.

My dad and I talked and decided that I'll take both summer sessions, and then another full load in the fall. *sigh* It's just so annoying, living with someone who know what he's talking about when it comes to school. I don't want to hear him tell me it'd be a good idea to take one two week class between spring and summer sessions, and then take classes in both summer sessions, and then I'll have a full year's worth of school done in 9 months. *sigh*

I know I got myself into this position, and I know I only have another year and a half before my free tuition runs out so I know I should take advantage of this, but it's just so daunting to think about. :-\

And my brother is whining to use the computer so I'll oblige him...

All by myself...

I made it all by myself. *proud*

I re-did my myspace, and I LOVE this song I stumbled on.

http://www.myspace.com/sweetlysarah

I've been listening to it over and over and over again. I dont know WHY, as I'm not in this sappy mood, but the piano just mesmerizes me and I'm addicted now. I like his voice too. *shrugs*

I found out I'm getting an 86 in History right now and I'm poised to get one of the only A's in the class if I study for the next (and final) test. I really wanna pull off an A, but so far I havnt been studying for the tests so I'm not really sure how to prep myself here. I'm going to re-read through my lecture notes every night after the lecture though and see if that helps some... But the poor man will talk himself to death about a million topics other than what we're actually studying so it's hard to know if what I wrote down was important or not. Aye!

I'm tired. I'm going to bed. :) Night...

I've let myself stumble...

I really should have known better, and maybe in the back of my mind I did but I just didn't want to admit it. It just sucks to have it hit me out of the blue like this. I want to talk to someone, to have someone to lean on, to cry with, but this is my hurt and it was my choice. Just sucks... to have it happen without warning and for no reason.

I want to write more, but I think instead I'll cut this short and crawl into bed and allow myself a good indulgent cry before getting up tomorrow. I've already had a glass of wine...

I just wish I didnt feel so damn alone and isolated here. I wish I could call a friend and tell her to come over and pick me up a pack of smokes because I'm really needing a relapse and dont want to be alone. I wish I could sleep on the couch in front of the TV, passing out while watching stupid chick-flick movies.

And I wish I could throw my phone to the ground and watch it smash into a million pieces and tell him to go fuck himself for daring to do this to me. What an idiot. So willing to spend over a year dealing with a psycho abusive cheater, then chase me across the country with promises of love, devotion, and regrets of not proposing before, and then just *poof* just stop talking to me for no damn reason. It was bound to happen... one way or another he was going to be *him* and do something disrespectful and childish like before. I was just hoping maybe he'd grown up enough, and that we'd be dating long enough...

Guess we'll see what happens when I move there. Likely I'll be too damned busy and entertained to care much.

4 weeks left in the semester. damn. so far and yet so close...

But THIS is why we have so many problems...

Finally Friday! Weee! How exciting! This is the first Friday I've been excited for in a long long time. Mainly because this week at school sucked so horribly I wanted to get it over with and start a new week fresh and on a better foot. Has that every happened to you? Ever had a week that you just couldn't wait to get through because you knew the next one you'd do better at?

I have a tough month coming up on me. We're turning into the final stretch for school, 5 weeks to go, and I can already feel the pressure. I constantly wonder to myself though, what was so hard about this before? Why was I never able to care enough about my future before to do this? It's so EASY, especially at the community college level, there is NOTHING to it. I sail through my classes with minimal work (thank you Lord for my natural smarts, I don't know where I'd be without them) and I'm able to have solid B's in my classes. With a little extra effort, I may make 4 As and 1 B in the end.

I am just continually amazed at how my outlook on life and almost anything and everything has changed since I became a mother. I always thought people were exaggerating when they said that, but it's so true. I look at things I was doing and shake my head at myself and go "WHY!" I don't understand why I thought a 40 hour work week was so exhausting. It's NOTHING really. I tell my friends to WORK as much as they can now and pay off everything they can and then save whatever they can because there will come a time when they no longer have the luxury of being able to do that and they'll kick themselves for it.

Cade witnessed his first power outage today. He didn't mind much. We just cuddled on the couch, played a little solitaire, and snuggled and talked about Mr. Ducky and LinkyDoo. He tells the most amazing stories this little one does.

When it was time for dinner I panicked because there was no way to warm his food, but I remembered how my mom had (behind my back) bought 6 Gerber Organic babyfood cubes. We'd already had a discussion about how I went through the trouble of making his food, and it only needed 45 seconds in the microwave to be ready, and it was how I wanted to feed him, use the food I made!!!!!! So I reach into the drawer and *gasp* they are ALL gone.

I asked my mom where she moved them, and she goes "Oh, well, I used them."

WHAT! Do you not realize that I expressly told you I wanted to use the food I prepared for him instead of the packaged stuff? We've had this discussion nearly a dozen times now. I don't know how to make her understand this is NOT her kid. Cade is MINE and I make the decisions. If I want him to eat homemade babyfood, that's what he will eat. Got it?

So then she gets defensive and goes "we'll it's only when you're not here to make your food."

Again, what is so difficult about taking two ice cubes of frozen pureed fruits and veggies, putting them in a bowl, and hitting "45 seconds" on the microwave?

So then she goes to the other cupboard and pulls out a new jar of babyfood and goes "They were on sale."

I look at the ingredients : Bananas, water, citric acid, corn syrup, another acid

This is why I want to make my OWN food for Caden. I do not want him eating babyfood with added ingredients. I want him to get used to eating fresh fruits and veggies and develop healthy eating habits. He will not have soda before he's 4 or 5 years old. He will learn to enjoy drinking water over juice, and I till teach him how to make healthy snack choices.

But yet again, my mother has decided that this is "silly", and went behind my back to buy jarred baby food with crap ingredients to feed to my kid because obviously I am not capable of making an educated decision about this topic.

Just like I wasn't able to make a decision about when I wanted to start feeding him solids and that became an almost nightly argument.

She does not know how to back off and let me parent my child. This is why I am always so upset and angry and never feel fully supported by her.

I would have no problem if she would ask me to make sure I have Cade's breakfast ready before I leave for school in the morning. I just assumed she was comfortable with feeding him the food I made.

And the kicker? As I feed him these nasty sugared bananas, she walks by and goes "He always likes your food better than the jarred."

Well if that's so, why don't you feed him it?

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Mother of the Year Award goes to...

Me. :(

Today I grumpily set Cade on the sofa with a toy, turned around to lay a blanket on the floor for him to play on, turned back around and saw him pitch head first off the sofa onto the hardwood floor.

That image is forever burned into my memory, seeing his head landing on the floor and the rest of his body following. It almost seemed photoshopped, like someone cut out a picture of him sitting and turned it around to make it look like he was balancing on his head.

I also just BOMBED a test today, I'm talking like 50% (or lower) bombed. Ugh. I'm slipping right now in my study habits and loosing interest. The weather is nice, I want to be out doing things, and stuff happening in my personal life is taking over my thoughts and it's hard to push it all to the back of my mind and concentrate on studying.

Maybe he'll give me some extra credit or something...