I have the cutest baby EVER!

Tonight we fed Caden a lovely dinner of Carrots and egg yolk with a little oatmeal cereal and blueberries for dessert. He LOVED it and swallowed every bite. This kid LOVES blueberries. Swear he thinks they're the most amazing thing ever. He also LOVES squash too, go figure. He wont eat the carrot puree I made him, but when I cut up cooked baby carrots into small bite sized pieces he CHOWED on them. Anything he can chew he seems to like. So stubborn. ;)

Anyway, egg yolk is very very messy and crumbly. We stripped him down and put him in the bathtub and I sat him up with floating toys for the first time. He LOVED every minute in the tub. This kid is going to be a fish he just loves to be in the water. He would hunch over and bat at the water with his hand, and then flip on his belly and scooch all over the tub, and then flip to his back and kick, and he was in there for a good 40 minutes before he started to rub his eyes and look tired.

I hope he will sleep tonight.

I emailed DamnPrecious again and told her that I would be going out of town for two weeks after the semester is over so if she wanted to get together we should try to squeeze something in before hand. I tempted her with ice cream. ;) My teacher told me that DamnPrecious told her to tell me that she'd just been really really busy recently but wanted to get together soon. Hopefully this time she will respond.

And then I find out I have a 5 page paper to add onto my already overloaded amount of work. I'm putting in close to 20 hours worth of work on the Dance Concert poster and program cover and tickets and not getting anything out of it and then being surprised with this paper? I'm not a happy Mommi tonight. Hopefully I can get it all done, but the good news is I've found some good A&P websites with interactive quizzes and models to help me study for the lab practical on Monday. Eeeeek! Monday? last day of lab? AHHHHHH!!!! The semester is almost over!

<3 Me

coward...

I leave this blog open for everyone to comment, mainly because of the friends and people I know who dont have a blogger account who still want to be able to comment or leave me a message, etc. But what gets me is when someone wants to hide behind this ability to leave a nameless comment and voice a nasty opinion.

I read my comments. I pay attention to what is said and think about other opinions and perspectives, but if you're too much of a coward to let me know who you are, I don't give a second thought to what you wrote. Own up to your opinion and if you have something you want to say, say it to my face, don't hide.

I registered for summer classes. I'm not going to take the 2 week mini-mester, instead I'll go to MI to let everyone see Cade, maybe get a night out with Emily and Corrine, and enjoy the ability to have NOTHING to do for a few days. Once school starts I'll be taking English II and Great Religions of the World the first part, and the second session I'm signed up for A&PI. ARGH! It's a 7 AM classs. I'm gonna die. But I know if there's a time when I'll be able to do a 7 AM class it'll be when I'm living with my parents and HAVE to be up because of baby anyway. Plus all my classes will be over by 11:30 so I'll have all day left to play with baby and enjoy the summer weather. ;)

I've been dreaming about him. I don't like it, and it always angers me when I wake up and realize he managed to find his way into my dreams again. I just want him cut out of my life, never to be thought of again.

And it'd be nice if the friend I've been trying to make would respond to my emails so we could set up a playdate...

Back to school work -

~ Me

I'm just... disgusted.

I'm not sad. I'm not mad. I'm just disgusted. In an "ew, gross, get the hell out of my life" kind of way. In a "Hell no don't ever try to call me" kind of way. I have these feeling of "Don't ever think you deserve to be in my life again or that I'd want to waste time on you" flowing through my veins.

But old habits die hard and I've yet to remove him from my IM list or my cell... even though my cell has been off for a record breaking amount of time these past few days... and you know what? It feels good.

I still get that twinge in my tummy when I turn it on and check my messages. "Did he call? Do I want him to have called?" But it's so much nicer to not check it every five minutes with that constant twinge. Now it's only once or twice a day and it's so... freeing! My goal though, my goal is complete indifference. I want to finally and completely not care one bit about him and his life and whatever he chooses to do with it.

I lost it with Cade last night. He woke up at 2:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep until nearly 4 AM. Wasnt trying to play, just was crying and whining and ARGH! If waking up wasn't bad enough, now he's not going back to sleep after waking up. I just don't know what to do and it's getting so bad. I nearly went and woke my mom up last night...

I don't understand why he's not sleeping. I don't understand why other babies ARE sleeping, or HAVE been sleeping, and he's still not. I'm so tired, so worn out, and becoming resentful of his lack of sleeping habits. And then I feel horrible for harboring these types of thoughts about my child. My baby, who isn't waking up on purpose or to try and make my life hard. He doesnt know what he's doing. But still I fume and boil and, like last night, while I was trying to sleep on the couch listening to him cry in the room at 3:50 in the morning after an hour and a half of trying to get him to go back to sleep, have a vision of walking in there and doing unmentionable acts to make him stop crying. And then I sit there and think to myself how other people have bad thoughts too and I'm just at the end of my rope and I just need to calm down and I know I'd never really hurt him and I cant get upset at myself for mentally loosing it or it will just make everything that much worse.

I may have a new friend. :) I sorta met her through a teacher here at school, and she's my age with a baby who is a month older than Cade. Single mommy too. We're going to set up a time to have a playdate and if God has decided to finally smile on me for a moment, I might be able to snag a friend out of this...