I really should have known better, and maybe in the back of my mind I did but I just didn't want to admit it. It just sucks to have it hit me out of the blue like this. I want to talk to someone, to have someone to lean on, to cry with, but this is my hurt and it was my choice. Just sucks... to have it happen without warning and for no reason.
I want to write more, but I think instead I'll cut this short and crawl into bed and allow myself a good indulgent cry before getting up tomorrow. I've already had a glass of wine...
I just wish I didnt feel so damn alone and isolated here. I wish I could call a friend and tell her to come over and pick me up a pack of smokes because I'm really needing a relapse and dont want to be alone. I wish I could sleep on the couch in front of the TV, passing out while watching stupid chick-flick movies.
And I wish I could throw my phone to the ground and watch it smash into a million pieces and tell him to go fuck himself for daring to do this to me. What an idiot. So willing to spend over a year dealing with a psycho abusive cheater, then chase me across the country with promises of love, devotion, and regrets of not proposing before, and then just *poof* just stop talking to me for no damn reason. It was bound to happen... one way or another he was going to be *him* and do something disrespectful and childish like before. I was just hoping maybe he'd grown up enough, and that we'd be dating long enough...
Guess we'll see what happens when I move there. Likely I'll be too damned busy and entertained to care much.
4 weeks left in the semester. damn. so far and yet so close...
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*hug*
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