your perspective is forever evolving...

I had my lab final today. I studied my ass off for it. I think I put in at least 6 - 8 hours over the last week studying. I was very proud of my diligence in preparing for the test, and even though there were some questions I forgot to study for, I'm proud still. And then I get to class today and I see students who missed half of the class periods, who asked stupid questions, who weren't at all prepared. They were the ones who were looking at the dip stick for the urinalyses sample and asking "How do I tell what it says" when the bottle with the results were RIGHT in front of them. It made me think back to when I was that student, not caring, thinking I had all the time in the world, not giving importance to being prepared for class. And suddenly I understood what it meant to be proud of my grade, to be protective of it. I didnt want to be next to those people because I didnt want them to take my answer, that answer which I had studied hard and long in order to know.

 

Funny what a few short years can do to your perspective on things.

 

I'm grumbling about my dance teacher, God love her, she's so sweet and adorable, but she expects excellence from all her students and doesnt care what you have going on in your life. LOL. And I realized I'm proud of the work I've done in her class. I get excited to see people like the cover I made for her dance concert program. It doesnt matter than I know it's not quite at professional level, it's MY work.

 

 

 

Maybe this working hard thing really works? Maybe I've been missing out on a lot of pride and self-confidence and positive self-image by not constantly pushing myself and forcing myself to work hard?

 

My head hurts from all this thinking.

 

On another note, I think my outgoing, nice self got asked out on a date last night without my knowing... A guy from my development class and I have worked on a few class projects together with another classmate, and he called to double check on what we were supposed to be doing for Tuesday's class, we got to chatting, and then he offers to buy me a drink when finals are done to celebrate the end of the semester. Without thinking I blurt out "That'd be superb!" Then after I hung up the phone I starting thinking, I really hope I'm not completely dense and oblivious and have been misinterpreting his flirting to be friendly gestures. All that joking around and winking and tongue sticking-outing might have been thought of as flirting if it was with a guy I wanted to mack with. Oops? Now I have to figure out how to calm down my outgoing flirtatious self so I dont happen to encourage anything IF that's what he was trying to start. Eghad.

 

Time to go and do something productive.

 

<3 Me