Friday, July 27, 2007

Rough Day

It's been a rough day. Really rough. I hate days like these. The kind where you just feel so angry it flows through your veins and all you can think about is finding a place to put your fist.

And now I am throwing myself a pity party and watching "The Notebook" and I realize how, still, it hurts not being near him. He sends me a text once in awhile, or will call. Sometimes I answer, most of the time I don't. But still...

When do these movies stop reminding me of him? I don't think of him everyday like I used to. Just once in awhile, and it hits me so hard when it happens.

I just want to be happy again inside. Wholly happy. I'm trying so hard to get there. I see the baby steps I've taken, I know I have a long way to go yet.

Susan... just hush. LOL. I know you have a huge lecture for me...
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1 comment:

Mom Overboard said...

My lectures get me no where. Ignoring it gets me no progress. You're going to take the road you take no matter what anyone else tells you. You're too stubborn to bother listening to anyone else and I'm too lazy to bother to repeat anything. There's nothing I could say that I haven't already said. I'm glad you see progress, because everytime I see leaps of progress, they're equally followed with two or three stumbles backwards and I think it's intentional at this point.

I think you're afraid to move on and embrace your new life so you continue to hold onto the past to make you comfortable and use it as your security blanket.

I think you set yourself up for disappointment and misery so that you can give yourself the time to look back and remember and pity party yourself to sleep.

Unless everything you've said in the past year is a lie - you've got it in you to move on and start your new life in a positive light. But you don't, and the sarah I know is self defeating and is making sure she doesn't move on.

July 28, 2007 at 9:33:00 PM CST

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