I filled out an application for Medicade for Caden, daycare assistance to have the state compensate my mom for watching Cade while I'm in school, food stamps (every little bit helps right?) and even TANF (cash payment each month) I also asked for information about rent assistance and help with utilities. I figure it doesnt hurt to KNOW what the program offers in case I need it someday.
The thing though, is that in doing this at the end of the application it states by asking for assistance I'm allowing the agency to go after FOB to seek child support. I have NO idea since FOB is out of state how hard they will press this, but maybe this will get somewhere and I'll get something from him.
I've been thinking lately though, and this is so odd for me because I NEVER used to think this way, but I've been thinking what it would be like to not have FOB in the picture at all. How would that affect Cade? I'm going to school, in three years I will be financially independent, after I get my masters I will be able to make enough money to completely support Cade and I on my own. I will be able to offer him the life I want him to have. I'll be able to pay for all his sports and clubs. I won't ever have to deny him something because I have to pay rent first. And that's just so wonderful to me. It's so exciting to have that feeling and know it's possible. That after all the hurt, worry, and fears during pregnancy about "how will I do this?" I finally have the answer and there is the light at the end of the tunnel.
But all this light makes me feel more and more "I dont need FOB" and if I dont need him, if I can provide Cade a good life on my own, why should I be so encouraging of FOB. I'm disappointed with how FOB and his family are handling all this. Obviously I dont know the whole story about what he is telling them, and I also know that Cade is not his family's responsibility, but it seems odd to me how quickly and easily they've let this all fall on me after being so involved with Hailey. Maybe it's the distance. But I'll never know for sure. All I know is that I'm taking note of their actions. We'll see how things go this next vacation, but I'm done catering to them.
I'm just so proud of myself for turning in that application KNOWING that it might cause FOB to have to pay CS. What I'm hoping though, is that going this route won't trigger a custody agreement. If it does I've been working on my draft, but hopefully I wont have to use it. The longer I can go the way we have the better right now. I'm willing to take on full financial responsibility if it means having sole decision making power over my baby.
3 comments:
I'm proud of you, sweetie. You're doing the right thing. Let me know if you have any questions, as my mom went through the child support thing, twice.
Love you!
Sounds like you've got a great plan and good things to come in the future.
I don't have my older dd's fob in our life and never did. It was way easier...I had freedom to do what I thought was best without having someone second guess me or telling me what to do. I supported her for several years on minimum wage with no family support, welfare, or public assistance. I have no idea how I did it but where there's a will, there's a way. I truly believe it.
Good luck to you Sarah. You have a good head on your shoulders.
Cindy
I think that was a good first step-- but the state agency isn't going to go after Jason to get child support money for YOU. They are going to go after him to reimburse for the costs of anything they provide you. So it's a little different. I would think it makes sense to BOTH apply for state assistant AND persue getting child support directly from Jason. He owes it to you and Caden and is awful that he's not stepping up to the plate on his own. Have you tried calling legal aid in your area to find out what you can do? I would suggest that.
~Veronica
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