My Love Bug

Caden must be dyslexic. I go "Ma Ma" and he smiles and goes "Da Da" We play this game for hours some days and today I walked in to get him and he smiled at me and said "Da Da" I'm not sure how I feel about this exactly, although for now it makes the workings of a funny baby story for later years in life.

I talked to Jason last night and planted the first seed of having him sign away his parental rights. We agreed to talk about it more when we're in Michigan. I'm trying not to get too optimistic about everything, but it sounds like he is willing to think about it and consider it.

Blondie and I had talked a little about going out to celebrate the end of lab yesterday, but plans fell through and I spend my night with a cold beer and DVD player. It was a relaxing end to a long week. However today I've been feeling a little off. Like I'm getting sick perhaps? For the first time in months I took a nap today. I never nap, even when Caden was a newborn I hardly napped during the day.

There is a friend of a friend with a new baby this week, I offered to take pictures. I'll have to call on that later. See if I can come up with anything good.

To those who participated in my pissing contest yesterday, thanks for the time, hope you said everything you wanted too, but I'm now closing down the contest and leaving it behind. My final thoughts are as follows though :

I'm human. I make poor judgments. I make good judgments. Either way everything is always a learning experience and nothing should be turned into a grudge, especially over someone you've never met off line. I have a much better life now than I did before. I have more inner peace than at any other time in my life that I can remember, but I still have bad days and I still get upset and frustrated. Sometimes I just need to shoulder to whine and cry on with nothing more than someone to pat my head and tell me to wipe my tears and keep going. I'm emotional, what can I say, it's who I am.

I dont expect everyone to understand. I don't seek anyone's approval. I live my life for one purpose now, to provide for my son. To give him everything he needs. And part of doing that is to utilize the resources available to me. Although my finances are none of your concern, at the moment the only governmental aid I'm on is WIC. They give me $120 in checks each month for Cade's formula. I dont use the checks for cereal or juice because Cade doesnt eat either of those with any regularity. People tried to suggest that I shouldn't use the checks because I can afford the formula because of my parents. My parents aren't wealthy, and Caden is not their financial responsibility, he is mine. As long as I am making progress towards my own financial independence (finishing my education) I will use whatever the government has made available to me, and use it without shame or remorse.

The money saved from using assistance does not get spent carelessly. And how the money is spent is none of your business. You pay taxes. As soon as the money is handed to the government how it is spent is out of your hands. If they decide that I qualify for help with formula, that's their call. If the White House has the cash to blow billions and billions of dollars on a war for half a decade forgive me for not feeling guilty for accepting help with keeping formula for my son stocked while I'm a broke ass college student.

And I don't have a Gucci purse or Prada shoes. I havn't bought myself any new fashion clothing items since I've been pregnant. I don't drive a BMW because I don't have a car because I can't afford a monthly insurance payment. I don't have my nails done and when I do get a haircut it's at the mercy of my mother. I bought myself a camera off Ebay as an investment. It's an investment in a source of creative outlet for me and hopefully a source of income eventually. It was bought with the rest of my Christmas money & an advance on my birthday money. None of the government's money was used in buying the camera.

This bugs me though. That someone would think I'm milking the system while I'm doing exactly what it wants me to do. I'm getting my education at a lightening pace so in three years, JUST three short years, I'll be completely financially independent and wont need any assistance at all. Isn't that the end goal?

Anyway, like I said, pissing contest over. Any more pissing comments will be denied as I'm going back to my regularly scheduled blogging. Thanks & have a great day.


<3 Me