a dose of reality

I've wanted to write for so long, but it seems each time I open this up I end up closing it in frustration again. I don't like admitting the truth to myself, but even worse I don't like to admit I don't know what the truth is.

Something has happened in the last week I feel very compelled to write about, because not writing it, not expressing myself on this, is causing me to become quite bitter and resentful at what happened. However, writing anywhere else but here will likely cause more problems and I'd rather just have this fade away into the background.

Someone has manipulated and used me for their own sick and twisted pleasure and enjoyment. They allowed their own pettiness to overcome their maturity, played me for a fool, took advantage of my trust, and in the end gleefully allowed the blame to fall on me without care or concern for setting the record straight.

Normally I wouldn't be so upset about this, but because of this person's actions I have been shunned by a group of women I liked, enjoyed, and thought were cool pals to converse with on the internet. Granted I now know how many of those women were really my "friends", but even a few of the women I was quite close too and talked too often and traded deep secrets with turned on me when the skies were grey.

It's forever tainted how I will look at this women and removed so much of the fun I had talking to them and getting to know them. It's a shock to see how ball-less people really are when it comes down to it. They like to talk a lot of shit, but when it comes time to back it up they turn mute and dumb.

To the person who did this to me, and yes I know who you are now. I will never confront you about this. What good would it do? You will forever deny you ever had anything to do with anything. Instead we will continue to talk as we did before and you will never have any indication that this is about you. Only your own guilt for treating me this way will eat at you and hopefully torment you until you confess on your own accord and apologize to me.

To those who so eagerly placed the blame on me. I have little to say to you. I cannot change your mind and I have no desire to defend myself on something I did not do. I simply am pissed that you all were so willing to believe I did these things, and never once thought about maybe just ASKING me. I've lost respect for you, but thankfully we were never friends.

To those who stood by and did nothing. It is you who anger me the most. Inaction is one of the worst crimes you can commit in m book. Take a stand and stick by it. Don't allow others to think for you and don't follow the crowd to save your own ass. And now you are all whimpering with your tails between your legs, too ashamed of what you failed to do to even contact me, but instead have turned to ignoring me. As if by not talking to me you won't have to admit to yourselves how cowardly you were for not saying something sooner.