I just don't like it here. :-\
I've been avoiding posting because I dont want to admit things again. And the biggest thing I dont want to admit is how unhappy I am, still. My mom and I fight just to stay civil to each other most days, and everynight is a struggle to go to bed without crying. Part is depression I think, but most is just because this is nothing like I thought it would be. My family is nothing how I remember them.
I thought my mom and I would be cooking meals together and they would be helping watch Cade while I studied and I could take a shower everday. Instead I'm struggling to get my teeth brushed and wiping tears away.
I can't really explain everything about how I'm feeling. But I know I think about if I was in MI, how many sets of grandparents I could use as babysitters to go out and do something once in awhile. I think about J and how I could have him watch Cade for a day on the weekend where I could study and nap and play loud music and clean and not have a baby attached to my hip.
This just isn't home. And I'm tired of being so damn unhappy.
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- MaverickMommy
- Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas, United States
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3 comments:
Have you gone to a doctor hon to look into getting some treatment? It's a shame things haven't worked with your family - - don't hope for them to make you happy then. My campus had a mother's group - does yours have anything like that? Or a local church group with young mothers?? Somewhere down there, there is a huge support system waiting for you, but you've gotta hunt it out since your family won't provide it.
lappy top is getting all prepped and pretty for you :-) Going to go to Geek Squad this monday or tuesday to get the warrant transfered over to you.
Having a baby is tough and I think you'd find you were stressed and unhappy no matter where you were. At least with your mom, you've got school and a nice place to live that's convinent to school etc. You might have more babysitters in MI but you'd also have a lot of distractions and potential difficulties. So as tough as it seems, I think you made the right choice and it will get better as he gets older and more independant. Chin up!
I'm sorry your having such a difficult time...you have had a lot of changes in your life all at once. Just time some time to think about how blessed you are with that beautiful baby boy. And a family that is willing to support you and Caden while your trying to get your life back together. I think your very lucky to have that support. I never had that. It's not MI but in time you may really appreciate what you have.
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