this isn't so good

Cross posted from another forum.

 

Background - DS - 8 months old. We live in Texas while I go to school, FOB and his family live in Michigan where DS was born. DS and I moved when DS was 6 weeks old.

 

It's finals week. I'm stressed. I'm also prepping to fly out on Saturday from Texas to Michigan so FOB can see DS and I can see my family for two weeks. FOB won't have DS the entire time, but these visits help allow DS as much regular access to FOB to attempt to foster some sort of relationship. (also with FOBs family)

So FOB calls tonight, I'd not checked my messages in a few days, finals, busy busy, and I answer to try and set up plans for this coming couple weeks.

He tells me he was in a bad wreck, totaled his car (the 7th car he's totaled in the last 10 years) ended up on the hospital for a couple days, etc. Oddly enough I felt myself thinking "why couldn't you have just died" and then pushed the thought away. We talked some more, and of course the accident isn't his fault, etc. Now he has nothing, etc. I just listened to his pity story with a few "mm hmmm"s and waited for the "catch".

He wants to move to Flordia.

He wants to move to Flordia with a GIRL who was visiting him. But they're not involved. *rolls eyes* Okay, so, I really don't want to be with him myself, and I knew eventually he'd get involved with another woman. But being that this is the FIRST chick he's been associated with that I've heard about, it's still a little odd. I guess just takes time to get used to the idea of him being with someone else.

Anyway, yeah, Florida. He claims there aren't a lot of jobs in Michigan (there aren't, but he also doesnt know how to look for them either) and the cost of living is really high in Michigan (not compared to Florida!) and there is a school down there he wants to go to for designing video games. (yeah, right) He's moving out of his current house in two weeks, doesnt know where he'll be living, etc.

I just want to scream and cry, and then at the same time I want to laugh and rejoice.

I dont understand why part of me wants to scream and cry. I think part of it is knowing that if he moves to Florida he's really not going to be able to see our DS or his other DD. Those two lil kids, I feel for them. I mourn for their loss. But was it really such a loss? I pity FOB's parents and family who have come to grow so close to these two children, and if he is gone, will they still be able to be involved and continue a relationship?

I also want to scream because I know I'll never see any money from him. I can do whatever I want too, and it'll never happen. I just want to get through school and start making money and be able to not NEED any support or help from FOB. The sooner I have a career the sooner FOB's CS check becomes easy to live without.

And right now I'm wondering why I gave DS FOB's last name.

How do I get someone's name off the Birth Certificate? LOL. Isn't it like two years with no contact and then I can petition to have his name removed so I can change DSs last name to mine and then later to whomever I marry and allow him to legally adopt DS.

Maybe that's why this is so unsettling to me. If FOB moves to Florida, I feel like he will be abandoning any and all effort to be a father to DS, to be involved in DS's life. Maybe he wasn't a good father or role model, but a part of me still felt firmly that DS deserved the opportunity to know his father at least.

Then the other part of me wants to laugh because I feel once FOB moves to Florida I'll be rid of him and won't have to worry about him or his family anymore. I'll finally be totally free to concentrate on DS and I and stop feeling obligated to involve this whole new side of family I never really knew and dont know if I like all that much.

Ladies. You are always so good at helping people get off their emotional rollercoasters and back to real life. Help me get there...