Happy Thanksgiving!

I wonder what I should put as being thankful for this year. Hmmmmmm...

I suppose I could start out by saying that, above all, I'm thankful for my amazing and ever awe inspiring son, Caden, who every single day makes me humble and thankful for the opportunity to learn everything all over again. And this time with a new appreciation.

I'm learning what it really means to stop and smell the roses. How to take time to do things right the first time. And how true it is that if at first you don't succeed, try try try again. What would we be like if the first time we reached to grab a toy and missed we never tried again? We'd never experience the wonder and the thrill of finally grasping a toy for the first time. Of having it in our hands and being able to shake it and make it make noise. And then realizing and we actually have the power, the control, over this other object. We can MAKE it create sound. Maybe it's not a pleasing sound to hear, but it's a sound none-the-less.

I'm also learning that sometimes the books DONT have all the answers. Sometimes you have to create your own answers and trust they're right. It doesnt matter if they didnt come out of a text book or if they weren't the idea of some doctor. Each of us has the ability to create the answers that are right for our lives.

I'm coming to understand that you can learn a lot from watching a child grow. You gain a new respect for your own parents and those who love you once you can finally understand just how deep their love goes.

I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful that not only do they love me, but they also love my son in spite of my own faults and shortcomings. They don't condemn him for my mistakes. They, too, marvel at his daily accomplishments.

They also have swarmed me with support and offers of help, even to the point where at times it's suffocating. It's wonderful to have such a sturdy security blanket, but it can get heavy and burdensome when there's little room to breathe on my own.


I'm so excited for the opportunity to finish my schooling here in Texas. It'll be hard, and already I'm starting to doubt if I'll be able to do it all, but I know I have the backing to be able to do anything I put my mind too. I'm thankful for that, to have the strength and courage to meet challenges head-on and in spite of the fear.

I am ever so grateful for my new swing we bought for Caden. It has changed him from being a clingy fussy boy, to one who will quietly swing and enjoy the flying fishes for 30 - 45 minutes without complaint and it's the reason I'm able to write this entry today.

The amount of items and objects we received for Caden has been overwhelming and heart warming. It's amazing to see how such a small person can mean so much to so many people even before being born.

I'm thankful that the world is still a place where I want to bring a child into. We have issues and problems and wars and rude and obnoxious people, but as a whole we're still doing OK and there's still a lot of good living left to be done. There's still a lot of good people I want Caden to have the pleasure of meeting, and still so many places I want him to experience and visit for himself.

And when Caden cries, I remind myself that I must be thankful that he has the ability to do so. That he is healthy enough to be home with me, crying, and driving me nuts instead of in a hospital fighting for his life or, god-forbid, in a coffin somewhere.

And so this Thanksgiving day, when Caden and I are home together, alone, while the rest of the family is watching the Dallas Cowboys, I'm proud to, dear boober, that I am thankful for YOU. I'm thankful you've come into my life and shown so many wondrous things to me. I'm thankful for each and every day we have together here on earth, because I know how soon and quickly it can be taken away from us. I treasure every smile, every coo, and every single minute that you sleep. And once day, God willing, I will be at your house as you and your wife welcome your first child into your home, and I will watch you experience what it means to see the world through a child's eyes.

Thank you, my darling Caden, for coming into my life.

<3>

Playtime...

Just a little picture post at the moment...

Caden is FINALLY sleeping after another long day with no naps. :-\ I don't understand what it is with this boy, he just hates to sleep at the moment and of course it makes me want to just cuddle and hold him until he finally passes out. He's so overtired, poor baby.

Last night I thought we had a break through when I was able to set him in his crib, he woke up and stirred a little, I gave him his paci and he went right back to sleep. However I can't seem to repeat this and ever since he's been back to screaming his head off every time he wakes up in the crib.

He's starting to become more vocal now with lots of loud coos and odd squeals. Every morning we wake up together and 'talk' for a good 20 minutes. He likes to tell me all about his dreams from the night before and what he wants to do today.

I love him in the morning, fresh from a night's sleep. He always is so playful and full of smiles, it melts my heart.

He's also starting to enjoy some of his toys more these days. We put him in his bouncer seat, turn on the lights, and watch as he stares at them and follow them with his eyes and coo.

Dearest Caden...

We've made it two months...

Two whole months together. Sometimes it amazes me that I've managed to survive and I've not killed either one of us in the process.

I love you with every fiber in my being. I hold you and cannot believe how something so amazing happened completely by chance between your father and I. No way you were an accident or by chance, someone knew how desperately I needed you in my life and designed you just for me. You with your smiles and coos and "Ga-Luuuuuuuuuu"'s.

We're had some interesting times together this past month. You had your first sleepover with Farm Daddy and Grandma Vicky. This was very traumatizing for me, as I could hardly sleep without your beside me. You see, little mann, you've become so ingrained into my life already that I am lost when I'm not around you. I no longer know how to occupy myself when you're somewhere else and I become agitated and count the hours until your return.

We moved to Texas from Michigan with a two day long car ride to get there. You handled it with grace and dignity by sleeping almost the entire way both days. I could not believe how amazingly good you were, thank you. I would have surely lost my mind had you fussed and cried and made the trip down miserable.

We're now living with Ama Lisa and the family here in Texas. It's been just over a week down here and you're still not quite sure. I can tell you miss your daddy, the cats, and all the family we have in Michigan because you no longer are the wonderful perfect happy baby I knew. Instead you've become incredibly high demands and fussy. You refuse to be set aside in one of the many swings and bouncer seats we have. Instead you have to be held nearly 24-7. You constantly want to nurse and when we finally do get you to sleep and set you down, you wake with such a sudden start and wail as if to declare to all the world that we've abandoned you and don't deserve to live.

This month has also been a huge test of my thoughts on parenting and my decisions on how I want to care for you and raise you. I want you to know, Caden, that I REFUSE to let you cry yourself to sleep. This is very hard on me, because you do not fall asleep easily and require a lot of attention and hands on rocking and soothing to lull you into sleep whether it be at night or just for a nap.

I also dislike allowing you to fuss too long when you're awake and unhappy. Obviously I allow myself to finish my shower, etc. But I make it a priority to tend to your needs as soon as I can when you're unhappy. I dont believe this is spoiling you, I dont think you can be spoiled at this age. I do think this is helping you to learn to have trust in me and in the world and you're learning that when you need something we will take care of you, thus helping to raise your self-esteem and making you independent later in life.

Not everyone agrees with me on this, and that's ok, they dont have too. And it's hard for me too when it's 3 AM and I've been rocking you for an hour and you wont go back to sleep and I give in to my desperate need for sleep and bring you into my bed and just fall asleep while you nurse. But I know in my heart this is how I want you to be cared for. I want you surrounded by love, knowing that you are loved so that you have the confidence in yourself when you are older.

My sweet Caden. This month has gone by so quickly. And now as I'm finishing this post I can hear you on the monitor waking up from your cat nap. Why can't you just sleep? You are the most lovey and cuddly lil boy, but you are also so particular and so stubborn. Things MUST be your way or you wont do it.

What else would I expect from two very stubborn and opinionated parents?

Love,

Mommy

Best Quote Ever...

"Motherhood is like battle, you just have to get through it." - Corrine

How true is that.

I'm looking to attempt to finish my room tonight and get things together. Daughters living with their mothers never mix well, and my mom and I are no exception. I'm not used to people answering my phone and butting in my buisness all the time. I dont want her to bail me out of things, I want to learn from my mistakes by taking care of my problems myself. I've always been that way.

I dont hide things, I just enjoy my privacy. It bugs me when she answers my phone from the other room and brings it too me. I dont answer my phone half the time if I don't know the number. I figure if it's important they'll call back, otherwise leave a message and I'll check it eventually.

I have my faults, and I am continously working to improve them. All I need from my mother is her support not her rescue or opinions.

Time to get back to doing my room. The sooner it's finished the sooner I'll feel ready to get Caden back into a routine and the sooner I can enjoy the happy baby I once had instead of this over tired fussy butt.

Sari

We Tried the Paci Trick...

And Caden tossed it back in my face as if to say "This is NOT what I ordered. Now get me my boobie or I'll scream bloody murder until your eyes bleed."

Caden has a wicked habit of waking up at night and decided he has to nipple on my boobie just to make sure it is every be as delicious as it was two hours ago. So last night I decided I'd slip in his very expensive top of the line Ortho Pro Platex Binki (which is the ONLY binki he will allow to enter his mouth these days). I figured he just wanted to comfort suck, he wasnt REALLY hungry, so when he stared to root around at 2 AM I slipped it in and waited.

Ten seconds later there the binki flew out of his mouth and halfway across the bed and he started to root around for my nippled again. OKay, I thought, I'll slide it in again and see what happens. So in the binki went, and five seconds later these two beautiful blue eyes fly open. I can tell he's deciding how much torture he's going to make me endure to pay for this little trick.

Within a minute I've tossed the binki across the room MYSELF and latched him onto the boob. He sighs, he's happy, and then the baby kicks to the stomach start, and I don't dare say anything to him because I know it's just payback for the binki trick I tried to pull on him moments earlier and he's just trying to get comfortable again in my bed.

My bed... I really miss when it used to be my bed. *sigh* We'll get there eventually, won't we?

Sari

Testing One Two Three...

I've had many blogs throughout my life on the internet. Some I've managed to update regularly, some forgotten, but the theme in them all was that they've been seperated by the different audiences I've held at the blog's site.

My goal in this blog here is to join the audiences from ALL my former blogs and continue to write about life as it is. With a little humor and occasional sarcasm (HA!) I'll record my happenings, thoughts and activities with the hopes that someone else may be as entertained as I am. So, without further delay, my first entry...

What exactly is a Maverick mother?

The answer? I'm not 100% entierly sure... However, here's what I THINK she is. A Maverick mother is one who does not follow along with the rest of society and instead makes the best choices she can by using what she knows and feels in her heart. They may be right and will occasionaly be wrong, but she never regrets the choice she's made. It can be about what to cook for dinner or how to raise her child, the Maverick Mother does the best she can and doesn't apologize for it.

Hopefully we'll all survive the journey...

Sari