My Boy Loves Me

I've been thinking about writing about this for awhile, just havn't sat down to get it out of me. It's an odd concept, talking about your child's sexuality or how he will become a sexual being one day. You look at his tiny face, those teeny toes, wide open eyes brimming full of innocence. How could you ever think about the idea that one day this baby will be engaged in sex with another human (I'm PC enough to not discount the idea that he *could* be attracted to men at some point).

But when you go pick him up out of his crib, lay down on the bed, and go to change his diaper, WHAM! His little pee-pee has grown over night by four times, at least. When the hell did that happen? He's not supposed to be packing anything THAT big yet. That doesn't happen until puberty when I will have been long shut out of his bedroom while he changes or showers. Then it hits me, it didn't grow, he's just excited.

Cade never was one to get the infant erections. I heard whispers of mothers of boys commenting on how young boys get a little excited from time to time. But until recently I never noticed such a phenomena. And I certainly never read about this in any parenting magazine or e-letter sent to me by the million of companies trying to sell me their formula or toys. It's almost like it's a taboo topic. Don't talk about your son's erections. It's off limits. Well, not to me.

So I begin the mental battle of forever knowing that my son's first arousal's were witnessed by me. What a thought to hoard over his future bride. LOL. And, of course, there is a small part of me who, when we take off that diaper and I see how happy he is to see me, fills with pride when I realize he really *is* packing down there. No future lover of his is going to have complaints that his momma didn't give him what he needs. A good head, manners, strong work ethic, and equipment that works. Yep, he's set for life.

But, of course, we're not supposed to talk about such things. Well I guess my twisted mind just works differently than most, but I DO think about such things. When I was rocking him to sleep, I used to wonder who his first kiss would be with. Would it mean anything to him or would he just be a sweaty palmed teenager trying to get some with the first available girl in order to prove something to his buddies. How long will he manage to go before having sex? Will he be strong enough to wait until marriage? Will he be smart enough to wait through high school? Will he be confident enough to use protection? These are the battles I think about.

Part of that may stem from being a single mom to a boy though. There are things about men I don't understand, and I do believe men are different from women in many ways. Things I would explain to a girl I would have a tough time trying to figure out how to get a boy to understand. So when it comes to him growing up, getting older, and trying to have "talks" with him about sex, drugs, dating, school, life, computers... I get little beads of perspiration forming along my hairline trying to figure out how I'll get him to understand the words coming out of my mouth.

Parenting sure is a stressful job. When do I get my raise?